Sticky Situations-M-Humour (I hope...) – By kiki Posted 21/09/2007 08:54:02 PM

Kiki

Posted 27/09/2007 09:22:47 AM

Aw! Love grandma, bella and...em...scienceteacher (sorry, name was far too long)

Grandma, I don't think you ever mentioned to me that you like this before. Hmm. Must be the terrible memory kicking in...oh well...

*************
Temperance Brennan sighed contentedly as she allowed the jet of water from the shower to wake her sleepy muscles and warm her body. She had slept badly the night before and was in desperate need of caffeine.

A few minutes later Brennan was smoothing a palmful of conditioner into her auburn hair. Feeling sufficiently invigorated and ready to face the day ahead, she left the hair product in for a shorter length of time than usual before starting to rinse it out. As soon as she was convinced her hair was completely clean, she turned off the shower and allowed herself to stand for a moment in the billowing steam.

No sooner had the pounding of the water stopped than she heard a loud banging and her partner’s voice calling her.

“Bones? Hey, Bones! You there?”

Cursing colourfully, Brennan slid open the shower door and groped for her towel. Once her fingers found the soft material, she wrenched it towards herself, running towards the bathroom door as she did so.

“Coming Booth!”

She streaked across her apartment, extremely thankful Booth couldn’t see her. Just as she reached her front door, she managed to pull the towel roughly around herself. The aerodynamic action of her frantic run had prevented her from settling the fabric around herself while she was in motion.

She wrenched the door open and looked expectantly at her partner.

Booth’s jaw was on the floor.

Oh my good, sweet, divine God

Brennan’s hair was in loose, wet, dark tendrils around her face and cascaded down beyond her shoulders. The ends of the hair strands were dripping water onto the creamy skin below them. The completely soaking, glistening skin. Her left hand was holding a fluffy white towel against her chest. However, the hand was possibly exerting more force than was necessary as her cleavage was accentuated and the top of it pushed up over the edge of the towel. To make things even more difficult, she was breathing heavily.

Drop, towel. Drop

He barely had time to register the droplets of water that were running down her legs before his partner addressed him.

“Eh, Booth? You ok?”

He shook his head slightly, then seemed to think better of it and nodded. Finally he shrugged, looking at her with pleading eyes.

“You want to come in?”

He nodded mutely.

He closed his eyes and couldn’t bring himself to breathe as he squeezed past her into the apartment. Shampoo and some kind of floral scent invaded his senses, making it difficult to move in a straight line.

Booth turned to face her, a goofy grin on his face as he gave her an appreciative once-over. Ever oblivious, Brennan just looked at him expectantly.

“What’s up, Booth?”

Extremely annoyed at himself for not announcing the reason for his visit earlier, he held up the two take-away coffee cups in his hands. He made an attempt at a charm smile, but his poor libido was so compromised that it wasn’t a very persuasive effort. Brennan didn’t seem to notice though. Her eyes had latched onto the steaming cups. She took them off him and placed them on the kitchen counter.

“Mmm. Exactly what I need. Just let me run in and get changed. Wouldn’t want this slipping down now, would we?”

She gestured quickly at the towel with an innocent grin and turned towards her bedroom. She knew there was no possible way he felt about her the way she was constantly trying to deny she felt about him.

Booth hurriedly turned away. Even though his back was turned and there was absolutely no way she could see, he moved his hands down below his belt buckle, frantically trying to hide the obvious manifestation of his feelings. He made a feeble attempt at twiddling his thumbs, as though justifying his hands’ position. He let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

“I’m sorry. Is it really that hard?”

“What?!”

Squeaking incredulously, Booth spun back around, his face a brilliant ruby red.

Brennan was standing in the doorway of her room glaring at him.

“To just wait a few minutes? Look, I appreciate that you brought the coffee, but I want to get changed. I won’t be long, I promise.”

Nodding quickly, eyes averted, Booth managed to croak out.

“Sure. Changing is definitely advisable.” He swallowed audibly.

Brennan took another few seconds to scrutinise him. Sighing, she continued on into her room and shut the door behind her.

Booth stood motionless for an entire minute. Finally, willing his body into action, he decided to sit down on one of the kitchen chairs. Once seated, he attempted to cross his legs, hoping it might help his little (I really wanted to say something the complete opposite of ‘little’, but that’s not really the way the saying works, is it? Sigh) problem. Unfortunately the poor man was so flustered that he completed the movement with far more strength than was needed, resulting in a prolonged whimper and a lot of wincing.

Closing his eyes and taking deep breaths, In. Out , Booth began to slowly count backwards from a hundred.

It was going to be a very long day.

PIMP

Posted 27/09/2007 09:24:53 AM


Thinking a guy would be that much a slave to his hormones & these feminine images you confront Booth with are totally......right on the money! lol Had a good laugh,thanks.

Turi ray of sunshine

Posted 27/09/2007 09:50:12 AM


Ok I am supposed to be writing … but I just couldn’t help myself and let you know that:
KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!
I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY YOU DECIDED TO POST THESE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY
KIKI posted!!! KIKI posted!!! KIKI posted!!! KIKI posted!!! KIKI posted!!! KIKI posted!!!


SOOO HILARIOUSLY FUNNY!!!!.... I didn’t read the last one at the other site though… Is it new?!?!?
I am still LOL!!!... poor Booth!!!.

Please post more SOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella Loony

Posted 27/09/2007 02:43:20 PM


Haha, oh Kiki, you get into his head so wonderfully! Brilliant job, haha, they are so funny! I can't wait for more, so please post VERY soon!!

Deputy Director Bella Loony

flyersfan35

Posted 27/09/2007 11:20:27 PM


Hmmm, well, kiki, I never mentioned it???? Gee, I'm sorry. They're okay, I mean....u know, I read them, when I get a chance, but....

OMG, u KNOW I'm joking!! lol! Absolutely love em, sweetie, keep em coming!!!

polygirl

Posted 28/09/2007 10:27:10 PM


thank you kiki I love these and they light up any day

Posted 28/09/2007 11:20:16 PM


wow...im literally rolling at that last one...amazing!! hahaha...kiki, you rock girl!!! keep em coming!

ash

Kiki

Posted 29/09/2007 11:16:32 AM

Aw, thanks to all my lovely reviewers! You guys rock!

********************

“Booth? You there?”

His partner’s voice floated through the door. Nearly choking on his cereal, Booth made his way over to the sound, depositing a few cornflakes and splashes of milk on the floor as he did.

He opened the door, looking surprised, but not in the least bit disappointed.

“Morning, Bones. Can I be of assistance?”

Rolling her eyes at his over-formal greeting, Brennan crossed the threshold into the apartment.

“Now don’t be shy or anything. Come right on in.”

She couldn’t help but grin at him, which quickly turned into a giggle when she saw the steady stream of milk dribbling down his chin.

“Food goes IN the mouth, Booth.”

He gave her a brief glare, giving his chin a quick rub as he did. He began to move back into the kitchen. The clicking of heels told him she was following.

Depositing his now empty bowl into the sink (the spoon followed suit after he’d given it one final lick), he turned to face her.

“What’s up?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Since I was awake, I figured I’d get ready early and take you out for breakfast.” She offered him a quick, hopeful smile. “But, you’ve already eaten, so…”

He recognised the effort she was making to appear sociable and appreciated it.

“Sounds great, Bones. Cereal never really fills me up anyway.”

His heart warmed when he saw the look of pleasure spreading across her face.

“Can’t possibly let you pay, though. Wouldn’t be chivalrous.”

He smirked as she groaned loudly at his words.

“Just for once, could you leave the alpha-male tendencies at home?”

Booth quickly cut her off before she could get anywhere close to full steam.

“I just need to find my tie. It’s around here somewhere… Would you mind going into my room and getting me a pair of socks from the top drawer of the dresser?”

He gestured at his bare feet. She nodded curtly, then made her way towards his room, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “Good for nothing ball of testosterone.” Apparently she wasn’t about to let it go just yet.

Booth walked into the living room. He had been watching the game last night and had gotten overly excited at his team’s victory. He was almost positive the resulting celebrations included taking the tie off and flinging it somewhere. All he had to do was find it.

A couple of minutes and a bumped head later, the tie was in his hand. Humming triumphantly to himself, he started putting it on. While he was doing this, he absently began to wonder what had happened to Brennan. She was only looking for a pair of socks after all. What was taking so long?

He began to move towards his room. He was about halfway there when he suddenly realised what might have distracted her. Breaking out into a run, he reached the doorframe with a bang. He looked inside fearfully. The sight that met his eyes made a number of things on his person constrict sharply.

Brennan was standing in front of the dresser. The early morning light from the window behind her cast a hazy glow all around her figure. The top drawer of the dresser was open, as he had directed. Brennan’s arms were hovering over the open drawer, a pair of underwear in her hands.

Only, this was no ordinary pair of underwear. They were about the same size and cut as a pair of Speedos and had a distinctly jungle pattern across them.

Why didn’t I throw them out? Why did I “hide” them in my sock drawer? Did I really think I’d use them one day?

Chuckling softly to herself, Brennan lowered her arms and held the underwear up against her hips. Her lips curling into a delighted smile, she raised her head to meet his eyes.

“What are these, Booth?”

Booth shifted his weight onto one leg and forced his face into a neutral expression, desperate to appear unconcerned.

“Oh, those? They’re…eh…they’re just…em.”

She brought the underwear up to eye-level and squinted at them. “The tag says ‘Fluffy Toys for Manly Boys’.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “They are rather soft.”

A low moan escaped Booth.

“Yeah, well, as you can see, I never wore them. Don’t really know why I kept them. Novelty Christmas present, you know…”

She frowned at him. “You never wore them? Why not? They’d look good. Make you look like Tarzan.”

“Yeah, well, you see…you know who Tarzan is?”

She nodded delightedly, dimpling at him.

“Right, well…wait, did you say they’d look good?” He was so distressed that it was taking him longer than usual to process information.

She nodded absently. “Even though they’re very small and” she gave them a little stretch “probably very tight, you have good muscle definition. They’d look good on you.”

Booth stared at her, flabbergasted.

He was snapped out of his trance when she moved her hands back over the drawer, muttering, “I wonder what else is in here.”

He was beside her in two seconds. He gave her outstretched hands a quick slap, wrenched the underwear off her, threw them back into the drawer (making a mental note to burn them later), pulled out a pair of socks and shut the drawer with a snap.

Brennan looked disappointed but began moving obediently towards the door.

“Next time I’m at your place, I’m having a quick rummage through your top drawer.”

She shrugged delicately. “You won’t find anything.”

Booth’s face dropped.

“You’d have to try the third drawer. That’s where all the good stuff is.”

There’s a whole drawer?!

“I’ll remember that.”
***************************

Now, somebody mentioned this to me before, and I just want to clarify: Booth only has one item of...kinky paraphernalia. Brennan has admitted that she has a "whole drawer" of the stuff. I am in no way implying that these two need such items for a healthy sex life. Both have admitted that they don't need them. I do, however, feel that both are comfortable enough in their bodies and sexuality that they wouldn't mind using such items if their partners wanted them. Just to clear that up!

flyersfan35

Posted 29/09/2007 12:05:30 AM


Oh, kiki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This never fails to cheer me up! Nobody does humor better than u, my sweet kiki! NOBODY!!

polygirl

Posted 29/09/2007 07:49:35 PM


thank god kiki posted needed a dose of funny

ashangel45-boothsbaby07

Posted 29/09/2007 08:26:03 PM


yay! i love that one kiki!!! haha.....cant wait for the other one!!! lovelovelove these!

Kiki

Posted 30/09/2007 07:46:18 PM

Thanks so much to grandma, poly and ash for reviewing! Love you guys!

**************************

The following day, Booth pulled into the car park of Brennan’s apartment complex. He glanced over at his partner, who sighed heavily, the long hours of the day evident on her face. They exited the vehicle silently.

At the front door of the complex, Brennan tossed him her keys telling him she had to pick up her mail and talk to the doorman about something. She advised him to go on up and let himself in.

Booth didn’t need telling twice. He arrived outside the apartment in a state of euphoria. He let himself in quickly, his mind on one thing.

Giggling madly to himself, Booth tore across the floor to her bedroom. His momentum was so great that he couldn’t stop himself before hitting the door.

Rubbing his poor innocent nose, he placed his hand on the door handle, savouring the moment. Curiosity quickly took over and he wrenched the door open, tripping up over himself in his eagerness to get inside.

He moved slowly across the room, not wanting to spoil the effect. He had built this moment up consistently since…well, yesterday.

Booth allowed his hands to hover over the third drawer, a delicious shiver of anticipation running through him.

Suddenly, as though possessed, he pulled the drawer toward himself with such force that it popped out of the dresser.

Easier access

Unnecessarily pleased with this turn of events, he gently carried the drawer over to the bed and carefully laid it down. For the first time, he allowed himself to look, really look, at the objects contained within.

His mouth went painfully dry as he simultaneously broke out into a cold sweat.

An array of colours danced before his eyes. Plucking up all the courage he had, he slid his fingers into the mass of material and began slowly swirling them around. Lace, satin, silk…

Getting braver, he picked up whatever was nearest. An extremely low cut lace bra greeted him. He had a quick mental image of Brennan wearing it, the wine coloured fabric contrasting perfectly with her pale skin and leaving little to the imagination. His knees seemed to be doubting the fact that they could support him. Not that that would matter. Falling face-first into this would be heaven.

His hands moved through the material, sating his curiosity. Along with the bras, in every shade and all deliciously skimpy, he found numerous pairs of underwear of the teeny weenie kind.

The more he searched, the more amazed he became. See-through underwear…garters…underwear with strategic sections missing… His imagination was overloading.

His fingers touched off something solid. Rationale having long since abandoned ship, he speedily removed every obstacle to the hidden object, bras and pants flying everywhere.

What he found there made his pulse pound in a very important region.

Underneath the underwear, lining the bottom of the drawer, was an array of…playthings.

He barely had time to register several whips and one seriously dangerous looking pair of handcuffs before he was interrupted.

“What are you doing?”

Unabashed, he faced her.

“You touched mine, I’m touching yours.”

Brennan folded her arms.

“I didn’t throw yours around the room.”

“You wouldn’t have been long at it if you had.”

She sighed. Taking this as permission, he moved his eyes back over the drawer.

“Is that a ruler? And a nurse’s cap? Hang on, is that a stake? Bones this is seriously…” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Looking up at him from her position on the floor, where she was attempting to gather the multitude of underwear to herself, she archly raised an eyebrow and gave him a belittling look.

“Oh please, Booth. Sex is sex. Expand your horizons a little. Open your mind.”

Unable to stop a fit of giggles, he held up a particularly interesting looking implement, bending over slightly as the extent of laughter prevented him from standing upright.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Bones, but I’m fairly sure ‘your mind’ is not what this is intended to expand…let alone open.”

ashangel45-boothsbaby07

Posted 01/10/2007 09:08:19 PM


yep..loooove this one 2 girl...!!! keep em comin!

CheeseBK

Posted 03/10/2007 04:38:56 AM


muahahah.... i love the sticky situations....

Kiki

Posted 03/10/2007 01:58:12 PM

Thanks ash and cheese! Ooh, haven't updated this in a wee bit. Should probably post two now to make up for that... This one's for all the smutaholics...let's face it, who isn't...
***************
Startled, Brennan turned her head to face the front door of her apartment. Two sharp knocks had succeeded in breaking her concentration.

“Bones? Bones? You there?”

Smiling slightly, Brennan stood up. She shoved the exercise book she had been writing in behind one of the cushions on her couch. Smoothing her hair, she made her way to the door.

She was greeted with Booth’s smiling face. “Just thought I’d drop in and see how my favourite forensic anthropologist is doing.”

Smiling graciously at the compliment, although in Booth’s eyes it wasn’t as though Zach was any real competition, she stood aside to let him in.

“Did I interrupt anything?”

Shaking her head, Brennan directed him over to the couch she had only just vacated. He settled himself down and she joined him.

“Not at all. I was actually thinking of starting dinner soon. Would you like to stay?”

He flashed his charm smile at her and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

“Indeed I would! Ah. Good company and not having to cook. Doesn’t get much better.”

She looked pointedly at him. “I’ll still make you help.” She leaned back and gazed languidly at him.

“You think I’m good company?”

“Yeah, but only in comparison to being alone.”

She gave him a quick push.

He laughed and pushed her back.

“You don’t intimidate me! I stand by my statement.”

Rolling her eyes, Brennan stood up and moved towards the kitchen. Booth made himself comfortable, listening to the sounds of presses and drawers being pulled open.

A moment later, Brennan’s head popped out of the kitchen.

“I kinda want Spaghetti Bolognese. Sound good?”

Booth let out a groan of longing.

“Sounds perfect!” He made a move to get up, but Brennan shook her head at him.

“Stay where you are. I just have to run out and get sauce. Mine has gone off.”

This time he did stand up. “I’ll get it. Don’t worry about it.”

She strode over and pushed him back onto the couch.

“No, you stay here. I’ll get it. I’ve a couple of other things I should pick up when I’m out.”

Shrugging in defeat, he sat back.

“Ok. Only if you’re sure.”

She nodded firmly, grabbing her bag from beside the couch. At the door, she turned her head towards him.

“Won’t be long. Make yourself comfortable.”

The door closed after her.

Taking her at her word, he settled back into the couch. As he did, he felt something hard digging against his back. Feeling inquisitive, he did a little search and found Brennan’s exercise book. His curiosity overcame him and he began to read. At first he thought it was her new book and was about to stop, but logic told him that it couldn’t possibly be. The next few lines confirmed this. He devoured the pages that she’d written, his eyes growing wider with each paragraph, an occasional chuckle escaping him.

When he heard her key turning in the lock, he placed the book discreetly beside him. She did a little whirlwind into the kitchen, depositing her bags as she did and apologising profusely for the length of time it took.

She emerged a few moments later, flicking hair off her face. She caught sight of the grin that was stretched from ear to ear and stopped short.

“What?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” He shook his head slightly, the wattage of his smile increasing.

“Seriously, Booth, what is it?”

Unable to control himself, he sprang up, the book clutched firmly against his chest.

“You write porn!”

Brennan’s eyes widened, her face instantly flushed.

“I do not!”

“Kinda hard to argue it Bones when the evidence is right here.” He tapped the cover for emphasis.

“Now let’s see…” He rifled through the pages.

“It’s not porn!”

“Oh really… ‘Kathy felt the heat spread like wildfire across her scalp, quickly moving further and further down. She let out a low, desperate moan as she watched Andy pull off his boxers, liberating his throbbing….’”

“STOP!” She thought for a moment and then snapped her fingers.

“You know my books have love scenes, right? Well, it’s just a love scene. Practise.”

He didn’t buy it. “Uh huh. Might have believed you if the whole thing wasn’t full of it. Just like you. It’s just them moving from one sexual encounter to the next. You write porn!”

He did a little happy dance, waving the book around as he did.

After a beat, “You write inventive porn…how would that one even work…” He trailed off, keeping his eyes on the book, silently mouthing the words. He pushed his hips out slightly while simultaneously attempting to twist his upper body. After a few moments, he gave up, defeated.

She snatched the book off him, giving him a quick smack on the side of the head with it as she did.

She drew the book tightly against her chest, crossing her arms in front of it protectively. Sighing in annoyance, Brennan shrugged.

“Fine. It just shows I have a healthy sex drive.”

He let out a short bark of laughter.

She prickled. “Probably healthier than yours anyway.”

“Hey, my sex drive is just fine, I’ll have you know. I just don’t need to act out my fantasies in a little book”

Brennan glowered and began to move towards the kitchen.

“I’m starting dinner. When you’ve finished being childish, you can come join me.”

Unable to resist, he lowered his voice to a guttural growl, slowly drawing out his words.

“Be sure to make it very, very…hot. Nice and…steamy. Some gentle heat to begin with but I want it to be bubbling over by the end. I like things…spicy. I’ll be watching, Bones. Watching very closely. I want to see you SWEAT.”

He never saw the book coming.