Calling parents

I know theres alot of parents out there with little kids and i have a problem, i need some help. I babysit a four year and have been for 2 years. Usually he is fairly well behaved- for a four year old. But today he won't listen to anything i tell him, he tried to spit on my sisters laptop, he spat on me, and continues to do things i tell him not to do. And i'm pretty laid back as far as things go, as long as he won't kill himself, i don't care, but today he's been climbing up the furniture, jumping off of things, hurting the cat and me, and so when he tried to spit on my sisters computer, that was the last straw, I put him in his room and now he is crying like crazy.

Did i do the right thing? I don't want his parents to get mad at me.

As a parent I would want to know if my son EVER behaved like this while in the care of someone else. Tell his parents what happened - as a caregiver you DO NOT have to tolerate being abused.
He could have been having an off day HOWEVER that is NO excuse for behaving the way he did.
If I were the parent I would NOT be mad at you but very disappointed in my son's behaviour and in myself that I was a parent to a child who exhibited those behaviours especially while in your care.

thanks snoop thats very helpful. I don't have my own kids, so i never usually know when enough is enough and they need time out. I've only put him in his room once before this, and a few times we've gone to time out. So i don't want to explain the situation to his parents and them think that the punishment was uncalled for ya know?

Time out uncalled for???? No way, you did great.
I don't do time outs for my son but a time out was definately called for given the behaviours you described. Make sure you tell the parents so they are aware of what went on while they were out.

I wouldn't be upset if you called me at work to let me know of my child's behaviour, but I do think there may be an underlying issue. Maybe he is missing his parents or whatnot, I know my kids have off days, but it is generally in my care, not at the daycare that they go to. A four year old is a four year old, and they don't always have the communication skills to deal with stuff and I know I have been ready to pull my hair out sometimes, but honestly he's probably just having an off day, kids are crazy like that. They didn't have a good sleep, they are having a growth spurt, they are constipated, so many things that they can't understand.

Bella

constipated, haha. Thanks Bella, and snoop. Yeah I didn't get to tell his dad when he came to pick him up cause i was rushed to get home. I know what you mean about missing his parents, i work almost 50 hours a week. He regularly tells me he hates me when i take the TV away for bad behavior. His parents let him do what he wants, and i'm more about keeping him safe as well as building respect in him. because he's at that age where if you don't teach that kind of thing that will carry with them to school and that will only be bad news. Like he'll demand stuff with comments like "I want milk. i want milk. get me my milk." and i don't answer him, until he says "Please may i have some milk." than at that time i will get him some milk, or whatever it is he wants. But as of now, he's an only kid so it's easy to give into everything he wants but that'll change since his moms pregnant and now that he's in school, it's crucial that he learns good manners and respect. He uses the "I hate.." phrase a lot lately and i don't know if thats him being a kid, or if i'm too tough on him. I don't feel like i'm too tough, but i don't let him walk all over me. I don't know, maybe he doesn't think it's fair, but one day he will. I didn't think it as a kid but i see now all those things my mom used to say to me, and it all makes sense now. haha.

All i know, is at 22 i don't need a kid any day soon. haha. they'd be napping till they went to school, cause i'd need a break. But over all he's a good kid, and he makes me laugh, and we do have fun. It's just having to overcome some hurdles. I need to be tough but gentle, like nanny 911. hahaha

The "I hate" phase is just a kid thing. I really don't like that phrase, so my eldest daughter used it for about a day and a half, until I told her that she was not to use it ever, and I would not acknowledge her at all. My youngest isn't there yet, but it is a phase, and most kids have no idea what it means. I do like the fact that you took advantage of this site to ask for advice and we are all here for any questions you have. I wish you luck it can be the hardest job you'll ever have. Just keep walking the road you're on, 'cause you have the right idea of what's more important.

Bella

the hardest part about my job is that what i say to him only applies to when i'm here, mostly because i don't do anything for him unless he respects me. So he walks all over his parents and that follows through to when he's with me, so i have no idea if his lack of proper manners follows through at school as well. I don't know what to do, i can't tell his parents that they need to demand more respect, cause it's not my place. But i'm not one to let a child walk all over me.

You did the right thing by putting him on Time Out. Although I would suggest that putting him in his room isn't such a great idea. You don't want him to associate his room with time out and he also has all his toys to play with in there. Maybe put a chair in the kitchen or the dining room or something and make him sit still. And don't let him off if he is still crying. Ask him to calm down and apologise to you for what he has done wrong, and then let him off and I find it best to pretend like nothing has happened, because otherwise it is almost as if you are extending the punishment.

I am so lucky with the kids I nanny for, they are fantastic, but I think that may change next year with Milly going into year 1 and Harry into prep. I have never had to punish either one of them for anything, little angels. (I may one day soon regret calling them that) And I agree with the others, always tell the parents what has been going on. I have a little notebook I write in for my kids, I record everything they do, what they eat, how long they sleep ect. makes everything so much easier, especially if a babysitter comes after I leave for the evening.

But as for my brother. He has ADHD and we use the three warning then time out. Warning One, warning two and at warning three he gets time out until he is willing to acknowledge and apologise for his indiscretions.

I need more advice haha. I don't know what to do with him and food. Like his dad will ask him if he wants breakfast and he says no, then like an hour later he wants a snack (ie junk food, no fruit nothing) understand that this occurs around 9 or 9:30 in the morning. Everytime i tell him No. Cause what he does is his dad will give him food but he won't eat it, and we tell him if he throws it away, he gets nothing till Lunch. And at that moment he's like ok, but then he comes back in an hour and wants a snack cause he's hungry. But what he wants is chips or cookies and some soda or sweet tea, which A. gets him hyper and then he jumps off of things and doesn't listen if i tell him not to do something, and really i'm at the end of my rope, nothing i can say or do will phase him and i think it's because his parents give in to his every want, instead of teaching him proper eating habits and good listening skills and respect, because really thats what he lacks, he only listens and obeys when something is in it for him (a treat or A toy, etc.)

But really my question is what to do with the food situation, because it's really brought me to the point where i just want to yell at him, because it's everyday. He doesn't eat breakfast, or lunch, all he wants is the junk food. I just don't know what to do.

ya'll are great by the way, really helpful!!

Oh he sounds just like my brother, only my brother refuses to eat anything and demands special meals for himself.

If he wants a snack at 9am, then don't offer him breakfast untill then, and whatever you do, do not, i repeat, do not give him a choice about what he eats. Tell him "Today we are having rice bubbles for breakfast, take it or leave it. If he leaves it tell him there is nothing till morning tea (say 11, which will be fruit or a yoghurt or something) and just do the same thing for every meal. He'll resist at first, but after a while he'll get used to it and realise that if he doesn't eat then, then he gets nothing.

If not giving him any choice doesn't work, you could give him a choice of two things, but keep them set, and don't let him dictate what he wants and mix them up. You could say "For lunch you can have a peanut butter sandwich and a banana or biscuits with dip and an apple. And if he wants a drink, water or milk. Or maybe juice with meals only. It's hard at first but stick to your guns, using your warning and timeouts for tantrums. There is nothing worse than a kid that won't eat when it's meal times and then expects you to fall over backwards and just go handing out junk though-out the day. You could use sweet biscuits as dessert if he eats all his lunch aswell, positive reinforcement is better than negative. Always reward him when he behaves well and don't be too nit picky at him. I.e, it doesn't matter if he is eating with his hands and chewing with his mouth open, at least he is eating what you have given him.

Don't let him walk over you and don't get annoyed when he won't eat, just say that the food will be on the table for 20 minutes and then it will be gone. Don't let him see that it annoys you and don't play to his mucking around, just ignore it. Do what you do and then take the food away after 20 minuets, don't give it back and when he asks for a snack say "No, you didn't eat your breakfast while it was out, you can wait till morning tea" be firm. But I must stress, don't get angry and yell when he resists, pretend like it doesn't bother you, which it shouldn't if he wants to go hungry its on him. If you don't give it any attention he will soon become bored of it and give up.

He almost sounds as if he is playing for attention, do you look after him every day? Even when his parents are there?

I also have an idea for breakfast. I used to babysit for kids who hated breakfast and here is a fun way to make them eat.

You need plain whitebread, milk, food colouring and those crappy little plastic paintbrushes you get from the $2 shop.

Pour a little milk into small cups or ramekins, and add a few drops of food colouring. Then get the paintbrush and dip it into the milk, then paint it onto your bread. When you have your picture, pop the bread in the toaster and toast lightly, the milk will evaporate and you have coloured bread, butter and serve. Yummy.

Pancakes with fruit is another good healthy option, serve them with honey and it will be less hyper inducing. Or savoury french toast with cheese and tomato ketchup. Eggs on toast. Mix it up and he might be more willing to eat. If you let him join in with the preparation he may also be more inclined to eat the final product. It can also sometimes help if you eat with him, and eat what he is eating. That way he won't feel left out or like you are forcing just him to do something, he is 'joining in'.

Hope that helps.

Wow thats a lot!! Thanks! it sounds good, hard, but good. I watch him from about 8 in the morning to 6:30-7 at night. Usually his dad will feed him before he leaves for work, but he won't eat it, and then will waste the food. Than after his dad leaves for work, after like an hour he'll want a snack because he's hungry because he didn't eat his breakfast, and I tell him no and then he'll ask again after like 20 minutes a nd i tell that i told him if he threw out his breakfast that he didn't eat he doesn't get anything until lunch, which is usually around 11:30 or noon, and he gets mad at me then.

And for lunch his mom buys these frozen meals called Kid Cuisine, and the only one he likes is the chicken nuggets that comes with corn and mac and cheese and pudding with sprinkles. The only thing he will eat is the nuggets and then wants to eat the pudding (i don't give him the sprinkles till i feel he's eaten his food) and I tell him he needs to eat at least half the mac and cheese (which is only less than 1/4 cup) and honest to god it's like pulling teeth, crying and whining cause he doesn't want to eat it. One time he even tried to tell me, he was allergic to cheese (though the week before i made a grilled cheese sandwich that he ate). But i just don't let him gets what he wants.

I found out last night why he has a problem following directions and basically I was taking my guitar lesson with his dad and he was sitting on a small bench, and his dad had to string and tune my guitar, so he let me use his guitar, and Ian was like "Hey you can't play that, it's my dads and my dads is better than yours" And his dad didn't say anything, just rolled his eyes. Then he comes out with a bottle of sprite and asks his dad if he could have some and his dad said no, so he threw it on the ground and almost broke the bottle so he dad tells him to put it away and go to his room, well he put it away than came back out and sat on t he bench and his dad didn't say anything. Then he did something else that made his dad angry, and his dad was like i told you to go to your room, so he turned around the bench and declared he was in his room and his dad said no go to your room, and so he went like 10 feet away and said he was in his room and his dad was like are you going to be good and he was like yeah? Then proceeded to do something his dad told him not to do. I was like why didn't you put the kid in his room, he just let his kid walk all over him and thats why he tries it on me, and i'm like get in your room, and I'll put him there myself if i have to. But this behavior is now built up to a way of life that i don't know how it's going to be on his parents when their 2nd baby is born.

Argh, parents like that annoy me.

Tell him mum to stop buying the frozen meals, tell he (even if you don't really) that you would rather make him lunch every day. That way you can work on getting him to eat food that isn't over proceed junk. Tell him what chicken nuggets are made off to, that might dissuade him...

You could also tell his dad that he gets hungry around 9 or so, and ask him to not give the kid breakfast and that you will do it then.

The lack of discipline in the house means that this kid thinks he is king. Show him that it just isn't the case.

Goodluck!

Oh i know he thinks that he runs the house and that he tried to get away with crap with me, which usually results in not liking me because he doesn't get what he wants. He's 4 going on 2 and i'm over the baby-ish attitude. It's time he learns to be polite, have manners and respect.

4! It was high time he learned some respect. I think this kid would hate me. I would be doing some major attitude adjustment with him. Keep us posted!