jokes ! post em here - PG13 for some of them :D

This older guy walks into a bar, grabs a stool and sits down with a sigh. He doesn't even look up at the bartender simply stares at the bar top and says, "Give me six shots of tequila"

The Bartender gives the troubled man a long look but does as he asks, and lines up six shot glasses then pulls out the bottle of tequila and starts to pour. Then watches as the man takes each shot glass and downs it in one gulp, and before long all six are sitting empty in front of him. Curiosity getting the better of him he finally asks the man what's wrong.

"Why so glum chum?"

"Well I'll tell you, I'm 46 years old and today I finally had my first blow-job."

"Hey man, you went 46 years without a blowjob?!" The bartender pulls out one more shotglass and pours another shot of tequila. "Dude, let me buy you a shot on the house."

"Thanks but no thanks, if six shots of tequila can't get the taste of dick out of my mouth I doubt a seventh will help."


RM

DBCrazy wrote:LOL! Robert, I think you're playing on the wrong side!!


Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?



So he can tell if he's coming or going!

Shecky DB ladies and gentlemen, and she's got all new material every show and the 10:05 runs a little blue. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitresses!

Seriously that was a groaner!

RM

ew, that was gross....

Hear about the cross eyed teacher? She just couldn't control her pupils.

Hear about the restaurant that opened up on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.

RGPageantqueen wrote:i just LOL'd in a quiet airplane and two people looked at me... It's funny!

Ella, just hand 'em your laptop and let them have a laugh too!

PIMP wrote:Hear about the cross eyed teacher? She just couldn't control her pupils.

Thank you for taking out a little of the raunch that we've been mired in!

Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman who gives me two blowjobs a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

A guy was playing golf, a golf ball hit him in the balls and he passed out. His friends took him to the doctor. The man asked him, "Well, what do you think, doc?" The doctor replied," We're going to have to put in a support for about a week." He then takes four tongue depressors and ties them all together with string. The man's face looked disappointed, he told the doctor "But tonight's me and my wife's honeymoon." The doctor replied, "Your going to have to bear with it." Later that night, the man and his wife were in bed. She took off her shirt and grabs her breasts, "No one has ever seen these before." The man pulls out his wang and says, "Well mines still in the crate!"

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

Keep 'em coming!!

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year.

A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.