Awkward Sex

by PIMP on Tue May 11, 2010 6:18 pm

This is an idea someone started up on The Lab.

In most fanfics involving sex between B&B its always beautiful, fantastic, beyond believe sex.....but what would happen if some Real World clumsiness crept in.

Of course, I went overboard, but it was fun to do. ^^

Feel free to add your own or to check out the thread on The Lab. =]
[Only admins are allowed to see this link]

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1:
Booth and Brennan fell in through the door of Booth's apartment, mouths joined, hands all over each other. They fell back against the closed door, kissing with soldering passion. Booth ran his hand through brennan's hair, and his watch strap cought a tangle of Brennan's hair.

"ow...ow..OW BOOTH My HAIR OW!!

"Oh, sorry." Booth untangled her hair, resumed kissing her, and proceeded to unbutton her shirt. He kissed and fumbled, fumbled and kiised, was largly unsuccessful, until Brennan whispered,

"Booth.....they're snaps, not buttons."

"Oh, sorry." said Booth.

Brennan reached up in a haze of passion, running her hands up Booth's chest while she kissed him, then attempting to seductively remove his tie,.

"Bones....*URK*...Bones....*gak*....Bones....*choke*...BONES!! *cough* Let me take it off before you hang me with it!!

2:
Both tore his tie off, then reached over and tore open Brennan's shirt, the snaps popping rapid succession like muted gunfire as he did. He stepped forward and embraced her roughly and at the same time thrust his head forward for a passionate kiss. Their teeth clacked together painfully in his haste"OW!! Jeeeez, careful Booth! Brennan said, checking her lips for blood.

"Oh, sorry" Booth said. But Brennan quickly recovered, and ripping open Booth's shirt, she stepped in and reached up and started to nuzzle and nip and bite Booth's neck from collarbone to ear.

"hee.....heehee.......heeeheeheehee.heeeeeeheehehehehehe" Booth giggled, cringing away from Brennan and burying his chin against his shoulder. "OH MY GOD THAT TICKLES!!" Booth said.

Brennan tried again.

"EEEEEEEEESTOPIT STOPIT IT TICKLES" Booth giggled uncontrollably.

She tried nibbling his earlobe.

"OHMYGODOHMYGOD STOP IT YOU"RE GIVING ME GOOSEBUMBS IT TICKLESSSSS!" Booth giggled loudly.

3:
Brennan gave that up, but Booth, recovering quickly, , stepped in and started passionately kissing her beautiful ear. "Jeeez Booth, a little less tongue? I already washed my ear today, OK?"

"Oh.Sorry" Booth said, but undeterred he moved on to Brennan's neck.

"hee.....heehee.....heeheehee.......heeheheeheeheee" Brennan giggled.

"Don't tell me YOU'RE ticklish there too!!" Booth asked.

"I never used too be!! Its your fault!!"

Both gave up and kisse brennan's mouth and started searching for the clasp to her bra. he kissed and fumbled, fumbled and kissed.

Brennan finally said. "I'll do it."

No, almost got it", Booth said.

Its ok, I'll get it."

Just a sec, I'll do it." Booth said.

"Just pull it....got it? No? To the right. Maybe use both hands? *SIGH* I'll do it...

"No" Booth said. "I......almost......hang on.....its......just about....GOT IT!!....no..guess not...."

Finally Booth gave up and just pulled the bra up so it was hanging around Brennan's neck like some bizarre collar.

Booth fell to his knees and grabbed Brennan's breasts with both hands and gripped and kneaded and suckled her nipples with abandon.

*Kiss...slurp....suck...slobber....pinch....twist....twiddle....pinch, slurp...suck...lick....slobber*

"#### Booth, they're not a couple radio knobs, stop twisting and twirling them like you're trying to tune in a station with them will you? And jeeez, got a towel? I'm soaked now!!"

"Oh...sorry." Booth said between slobbers.

4:

Booth then pulled Brennan's slacks to her feet, kissing her up and down the legs. "Now we're getting somewhere" Brennan thought, and gave a soft moan. Booth, excited by the sound, stood and leaning against Brennan, kissed her furiously on the mouth and face as he, still fully clothed, spread Brennan's legs with his knees and forced her thighs apart, thrusting his groin against hers. Brennan, her feet still tangled up in her slacks and underwear, wound up looking like some demented ballet dancer doing a bizarre plie, her thighs forced apart, yet her feet still stuck together by the tangle of clothing.

Booth...BOOTH...jeeeez, I'm flexible but....just let me get....STOP it......my feet are stuck...."

"Oh...sorry" Booth said.

5:
Booth started dragging Brennan toward the bedroom, still pawing at her breasts with one hand and holding her against him with the other, and attempting to examine her tonsils with his tongue. .
Brennan managed to kick the clothing off one foot, but with her shirt torn open, her bra up around her neck, and her pants dragging behind her still attached to one foot, looked like the victim of an F-5 tornado assault.

they finally reached the bed, and Brennan said, "Let me get these things off."

Booth, anxious to help, grabbed her bra and attempted to pull it off over her head. Unfortunately the sleeves of her shirt wouldn't alow that, and the bra hooked her nose and snapped her head back rather severely.

*Sniff, rubs nose checks for blood again* I'LL take it off, OK Booth? STOP helping for a minute!!"

"Oh...sorry" Booth said.

6:

Brennan decided to take control of the situation,since things weren't going all that well with Booth in charge.

Giving a final sniff and check to her aching nose, she flung off her shirt and bra, stepped daintily out of her pants, and went to place her hands on Booths washboard stomach, thinking about running her hands around his well muscled torso before opening that cocky belt buckle and pants.

With eyes half shut and a soft groan, she spread her fingers across Booth rock hard abs....

"YEEEEE_IKES!!" Booth screamed. "Your hands are FREEZING!!What the hell? Did you dip them in ice or something??"

7:
Brennan drew back, but decided to try again. She reached for Booth, he flinched away, she tried again, but Booth kept twisting and dodging like a girl someone was trying to put a bug on.

"Don't touch me!! EEEEEEE! DON"T!! They're COLD!!"

Booth grabbed her hands and cupped them in his, blowing on them and rubbing them with his.

"Booth, they're warm now!! "Brennan said.

Booth picked her up and flipped her onto the bed.

"Just....keep your hands under the pillow and warm them up while I get these off.

Booth pulled his shirt off, undid his pants, and tried to step out of them, but he had to continually and alternately high step with either foot, from one to the other and back again, trying to get the pants off,but they seem to want to grip his ankles.

Brennan couldn't help the image flooding into her mind of a long legged stork that had stepped in sticky mud and was trying to walk out of it.

and she started to giggle.....and laugh....and laugh louder.....

Now, laughter is all well and good, but in certain situations, laughter can be...well...shall we say...deflating?

Booth deflated like a stuck balloon.

*Pfffffft......dangle*

8:

"Whats so funny?" Booth asked a trifle testy.

"NOTHING!! Nothing!!*giggle* uh...c'mere big boy, I'll get you warmed back up again.....my hands are WARM now, stop looking at me like that!!"

Booth hesitated, but then jumped into bed beside Brennan and started kissing and fondling her, and was up to the task again in no time....but....

"Booth.......ew......take your socks off!!"

"But my feet are cold."

"Booth, take those off!!"

"But my feet are comfy!! I like my socks!!See? There striped and everything!!"

"Take the off!! Who wears socks while having sex??"

"I.....never mind.FINE!! " Booth got up and took one sock off and threw it across the room. Getting a little lazy, he just stepped on the toe of the other sock,and started to pull his foot free of it, so there he was, one foot on the floor, the other pulled up as far as he could, and slightly to one side, and he heard Brennan mutter, "Stork....naked stork....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA'